GODLY BOUNDARIES – A BRIEF SUMMARY

By Michael K. Farrar, O.D.

© God’s Breath Publications

 

Proverbs 4:26-27

“Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”

 

The verse above from Proverbs talks about staying on a firm path and making sure that you do not swerve to the right or left so that you can keep yourself from evil behavior and actions. This is advice for godly boundaries to be established in your life so that spiritually, emotionally and physically you protect yourself and others. If this is done you will honor God in your life. Boundaries govern our society, influence how we live each day and have been put in place by God and man to insure law and order. Boundaries also foster honest and fair treatment of others.

 

Godly boundaries are established in our lives first by accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. As we then walk as a Disciple of Christ we seek to live by the Word of God, walk like Jesus walked and keep in step with the Holy Spirit that lives within us. This trinity of our calling as a Christian is to be lived out in our heart, mind and soul. As we live obediently, lovingly and righteously we will establish a level path in how we walk, not straying from the holiness which God calls us to live.

 

Boundaries surround us in all areas of our lives. There are boundaries when we drive on the road. We must go the speed limit. We must use turn signals. We must give the right-of-way to those it is due. You might call these rules, but in a sense they form a foundation for boundaries to assure safe driving. Failure to observe these rules and boundaries results in car accidents and loss of life.

 

There are boundaries in the workplace. We are not to steal from our employer. Our employer is required to pay us a specific wage. Businesses are to function within the guidelines of local, state and federal regulations. Failure to observe these rules and boundaries results in embezzlement, fraud and tax evasion, which in turn result in legal action by the authorities. Boundaries which are broken by businesses and organizations usually result in suffering and hardship for those they serve.

 

There are boundaries in any relationship we have. Depending on the level of relationship the boundaries can vary, but they are centered on protecting each individual from abuse as well as honoring God.

 

Relationship Boundaries: Friendships

 

Friendships have boundaries that require some level of commitment to establish and maintain the friendship. There are many boundaries that are set in friendships in order for them to flourish. There are boundaries for the frequency of interaction between friends; otherwise one of the persons involved will feel smothered or overwhelmed. People can take advantage of others at times in a friendship or assume their friend’s possessions are their own. Unless these boundaries are discussed; friendships can be strained or destroyed. Respecting friends includes their feelings, possessions and their personal time. 1 Peter discusses how we are to treat each other and especially our friends.

 

1 Peter 2:17

“Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.”

 

Relationship Boundaries: Dating

 

We have boundaries in dating relationships, especially if they are to be godly dating relationships. As friends of the opposite sex become attracted to one another and spend more time together, boundaries must be established to protect each person’s honor and integrity. Some people casually date and in such situations no boundary is set against dating others. Usually though, in serious dating, there is a boundary agreed upon that those in a close relationship will agree not to date anyone else for a period of time.

 

Another boundary in godly dating is the respect shown for each other by honoring each other physically. It is very easy in a close dating relationships to be tempted to cross sexual boundaries. God has given us a very strong sexual drive for the purpose of bonding with our mate once we are married, but this drive can cause us to violate God’s boundaries for sexual purity when we are dating if we are not careful. Several verses speak of this.

       

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

 

2 Timothy 2:22

“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

 

Relationship Boundaries: Marriage

 

If a dating couple progresses to a commitment to marriage, then when the marriage has taken place old boundaries are dropped in the area of sexual relations between them and new godly boundaries are established. Boundaries for spouses are that they will never seek an intimate relationship with someone else and have sexual relations of any sort with that person. These boundaries protect the purity of the marriage and the intimacy of the relationship.

 

Other boundaries and guidelines involve how the wife and husband are to respect and love one another. Scripture verses address these boundaries as well.  

    

1 Peter 3:7

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

 

Ephesians 5:33

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

 

Relationship Boundaries:  Church

 

While we may not think about it much, there are actually many boundaries that we are called to observe within in church relationships as well. We are called to respect and love one another in our church fellowship. We are called to forgive and have mercy when someone offends or hurts us. We are to have the mind of Christ in how we treat our fellow Christians. Again, many scriptures instruct us in our behavior and set boundaries for us to live within. 

 

Ephesians 4:1-6

“I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit— just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

 

Relationship Boundaries: Spiritual

 

We also have numerous boundaries in our spiritual life and our relationship with God. We are called to be holy as God is holy. We are called to live as Christ lived and obey scripture. We are called to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Just a few verses addressing these boundaries are listed below.

 

Psalms 19:7-11

“The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.  The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.”

 

2 Peter 1:5-9

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.”

 

Boundaries for our spiritual lives help us discern attacks on our faith and relationship with God. We must be cautious in how we live so we can be cautious about false teachers that might lead us astray.

 

2 Timothy 3:1-5

There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.”

 

We know that the world as well as our nation and state work best when boundaries are observed and respected. We know from scripture that there are godly boundaries that have been laid down by God for us to follow to foster a strong relationship with Him and each other. These godly boundaries govern all types of relationships between friends, family members, spouses and Christians within the church. But there is one last thing I would like to share that relates to boundaries. I would like to ask a question. Are you a boundary hater or a boundary respecter?

Boundary haters rebel incessantly against any boundaries placed in their path. They constantly question their validity. They push and criticize their purpose. This is not to say that some boundaries shouldn’t be questioned. I’m saying boundary haters disdain and rebel against godly boundaries that have proven to be wise and good.  Boundary haters are not only rebellious towards good boundaries. They are rebellious towards God and towards others in general. Their world revolves around themselves and their flesh is king of their lives. The feel godly boundaries do not apply to them and such boundaries are unfair restrictions that should be disrespected and broken. Hopefully you are not a godly boundary hater.

 

A boundary respecter is someone who sees the wisdom in having proper boundaries set to protect themselves and others. A respecter of boundaries is submissive to God and the governing authorities. They honor the law of the land and the law of God. In many instances a boundary respecter is also a boundary lover for they love the security and peace that can be found within the protection of godly boundaries. This is why God sets boundaries to protect us from others and ourselves. He loves us and wants us to live peacefully with each other.  I hope you are a boundary respecter and a lover of godly boundaries.