HANDLING ANGER

By Michael K. Farrar, O.D.

© God’s Breath Publications

 

The definition of anger: A way of saying, “notice my needs”, an emotional reaction of hostility that brings personal displeasure either to ourselves or to someone else.

 

Why we get angry.

 

We often get angry because rights which we feel we have, are violated. We express anger when we are not allowed to use our money or possessions as we see fit. We are angry when we feel we are not being heard, respected or treated fairly. We are often angry when our selfish fleshly nature raises its head in our lives.

 

We can also be angry for proper motives, such as when the innocent are harmed or when people do evil things. This might be classified as righteous anger.

 

Sources and manifestations of anger.

         

Anger can originate from many sources and manifest itself in us in many ways. Anger is out of control when it is seeking its own way. Jonah’s rebellion against God is an example.

 

Anger often is a result of selfish motives. The prodigal son’s brother responded with this type of anger.

 

Anger can result from reacting too fast without thinking and understanding a situation. The disciple’s actions in Luke 9 are a good example.

 

Anger can cause selfish jealousy to develop. In I Samuel 18:59 Saul demonstrates this type of anger by developing a jealousy of David’s popularity.

 

WAYS ANGER CAN BE EXPRESSSED

 

ACTIVE AGGRESSIVE ANGER

 

Verbal Abuse

Blame

Sarcasm

Poisonous Talk

Gossip

Complaints

Stubbornness

Intimidation

Criticism

Ruminating

 

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ANGER

 

Silent Treatment

Procrastination

Halfhearted Efforts

Depression (Repressive)

Compliance (Repressive)

Forgetfulness

Preoccupation

Laziness

Hypochondria

 

Famous men have often offered advice on how to deal with inappropriate anger problems.

 

Thomas Jefferson said, “When angry, count to 10. When very angry count to 100.”  

 

Mark Twain offered his two cents worth when he stated, “When angry, count to 4. When very angry, swear.”

 

Three basic ways of handling anger

 

One way of handling anger is by repressing it. Holding anger in can be a result of standards imposed by parental upbringing or religious influence. There are emotional consequences of repressing anger. The stress of repressing anger can cause health problems such as high blood pressure and stomach ulcers, to mention a few.

 

Another way of dealing with our anger is to express it outwardly. This is often the worldly alternative. The idea is you just let your anger flow out to ventilate your emotions. This is no true solution if unrestrained and uncontrolled. Not only can it do harm to others, it does nothing constructive for the person expressing it. The ventilation of emotions passes while the real issue that precipitated the anger is never really dealt with.

 

Finally, an appropriate manner to deal with anger is to release it. This is dismissed anger. A person secure in God will strive to release his or her anger.

 

They will strive to be rational and not let themselves be controlled by their emotions.

 

 They will express their feelings and emotions, but will not be controlled by them.

 

They will use discrimination in expressing their emotions.

 

They will use anger in a responsible manner and for constructive purposes.

 

They will try to be a realist and not an idealist.

 

They will have proper humility and not have hidden feelings of superiority.

 

They will recognize that the world is imperfect and so are the people who live in it.

 

Christ’s example in handling anger

 

Christ is our best example for handling our anger and for knowing when and how to express righteous anger.

 

He stood up for righteous principles. (John 2)

 

He was able to pass over inconsequential issues. (Mark 5)

 

He forgave others. (Luke 23:34)

 

He was willing to pray for those who hurt or misused Him. (Luke 23:34)

 

He had an ability to love, despite what was done against Him. (I John  4:19)

 

Love is the ultimate key to expressing anger properly. (I Peter 4:8, Proverbs 19:11)

 

Love is unconditional acceptance (Philippians 2:58) teamed with understanding and forgiveness (Matthew 6:14‑15).

 

Love recognizes we are all equal (Rom. 12:17‑21).

 

Love is patient (1 Corinthians 13) and realistic. It allows for differences and understands unity in diversity that makes up God’s church of believers.

 

Goals to set so anger will be better released.

 

First it is good to set priorities before you are angry so that when you are tempted to repress or express your anger you can better release it. You need to know God and become absorbed in His love. If you are in a right relationship with Jesus and listening to the Holy Spirit, anger tendencies will be properly dealt with. Another priority is to help others experience this same relationship with God and promote love, understanding and communication in all relationships.    

 

Another desirable goal is to develop a sense of self worth. Our worth should originate from God, not from ourselves, or what we can do. Having a truthful understanding of where our self‑worth comes from helps us deal with the misunderstandings and hurts that we encounter.

 

Possessing a servant’s heart is another goal to be sought after as well. If we strive to serve God and others, we will be less likely to lose our temper and lash out in anger at those around us.

 

Cultivating honesty in our relationships and communication with others will prevent many situations from occurring that can lead to outbursts of anger. This also lays ground for working out disagreements and hurts when they occur.

 

Recognizing our own limitations helps us seek out help and prayer when we feel overwhelmed by circumstances and the actions of others. We all have our limits and understanding that we need help to deal with life at times is wise.

 

Accepting the imperfections of others is a must if we are to deal with people. No one is perfect and allowing others and ourselves some slack helps avoid the temptation to lash out at others in anger when they disappoint us.

 

Letting others love us is a very redeeming quality. It allows others into our world and is soothing to the soul. It also fosters the brotherly love that we see modeled and taught of in scripture. It also encourages the expression of spiritual gifts towards one another.

 

Avoiding close association with anger prone people can go a long way. Proverbs 22:24‑25 shares wisdom in this area.

 

Finally keeping a close check on your tongue and what you say is required. The book of James speaks of how powerful the tongue can be in causing damage. Washington Irving said, “It is the only tool which sharpens with use.”

 

Before you express anger, be sure that you do not attempt to establish your own superiority. 

 

Make sure that your anger has a constructive aim. 

 

Be aware of the responsiveness of the recipient.

 

Consider the feelings and circumstances of those you come in contact with.