Agape Love

A Seven Part Homily Series

Part Two

Love does not Envy nor Boast

 

By Michael K. Farrar, O.D.

© God’s breath Publications

 

I Corinthians 13:4-8

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

 

Love does not Envy

 

Envy and jealousy are related in some ways. We envy when someone has something we do not have. We envy when we see others receiving praise, honor or attention that we think we should receive. Jealousy is born out of fear, the fear of losing someone or something. Both envy and jealousy can cause pain as we struggle with the emotions that are involved.

 

Lovers are jealous because the “eros” or erotic love we spoke about in the first segment of this series is born out of a passionate need. Erotic love can demand total possession of another person. While erotic love can move us to be fulfilled in a relationship with another person, we know that complete and total union is not humanly possible. Each of us needs some individual time and freedom to express ourselves in our lives. “Agape” love is not jealous or envious.

 

Lewis B. Smedes states, “Agapic love is not jealous. This love…is not a seeking, grasping, holding love, but a giving love, a love that lets go. It is not a love of need, but the love of power. It is the power to move us toward another person with no expectation of reward- not even the reward of exclusive loving. This is why agape is not jealous.”

 

Agape love does not envy, but rejoices in the skills and talents that others have. This agape love desires for others to excel in their endeavors and is glad when they are complemented and praised for their efforts. Agape love delights in the success of others and is not envious of their situation. Several scriptures address the problems that result when we are envious of others.

 

Proverbs 14:30

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”

 

Love that is not envious is at peace. Someone demonstrating agape love is satisfied with their position in life and the possessions they have. Anyone with agape love realizes that God is the source of blessing in the lives of people. Our Heavenly Father administrates and orchestrates who is blessed with wealth, skills or talent according to His purpose and will. To be envious or jealous is to question God’s sovereignty.

 

1 Peter 2:1-2

“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.”

 

We are called as Christians to rid ourselves of envy. This is an act of the will when we commit ourselves to love as Christ loved. Jesus placed the needs of others above His own and died for the sins of the world. This is Godly, agapic love.

 

James 3:16

“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”

 

This verse instructs us that if we harbor envy in our hearts it will affect every aspect of our being. Other effects will also be manifested, such as selfish ambition, disorder in our lives as well as all sorts of evil practices. The sin of envy will breed other sins in our lives as it grows like a cancer through our spirit.

 

While envy and jealousy are related they are also different. We envy what we cannot possess something we don’t have. We envy the abilities of another person or their possessions. We are jealous when our relationship with someone else is threatened.

 

There is an aspect of jealousy that can be valid. Just as there is righteous anger when truth or justice is threatened, there is a form of righteous jealousy. God is jealous when His children are disobedient and worship idols.

 

Deuteronomy 4:24

“For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.”

 

Nahum 1:2

“The LORD is a jealous and avenging God; the LORD takes vengeance and is filled with wrath.”

 

We are appropriate in our jealousy when it is directed against an injustice or the destruction of truth in the lives of those we love. The source of this jealousy is actually agape love, the desire for truth and righteousness to be manifested in the life of someone. Just as God is righteously angry and jealous when His people stray from the truth and worship other gods, we can be righteously angry at the situation when our relationship with someone is threatened by deceit, lies or infidelity. Such sins are a breach of our relationship with the person and the truth of God. But our anger and jealousy should not be directed at people, but the sin itself. We are to love the sinner and hate the sin. Agape love rejoices in the happiness of others, but is jealous when God’s truth is ignored in the pursuit of selfish desires. Agape love knows such sin can ultimately not only destroy the relationship but also the life of those we love. Regarding a marriage relationship Lewis B. Smedes states, “Every spouse has the right to jealousy when the heart of the marriage is being threatened …Agape respects boundaries within limits in life.”

 

Paul demonstrated this jealous agape love to the church at Corinth.

 

2 Corinthians 11:1-3 

“I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.”

 

Agape love is not envious of others skills, accomplishments, talents or possessions. It is not jealous of the happiness or contentment of others. But agape love may at times be righteously jealous when actions towards those we love are in violation of the Word of God. Agape love allows jealousy at times, but puts boundaries on its expression. It would never allow cruelty to others, but would allow righteous anger towards an ungodly situation. Its focus would be to restore a relationship to God or between individuals whose relationship has been damaged by sin.

 

Love does not Boast

 

The word for boast in this passage is the only place in the New Testament it is ever used. We boast when we think we may not be as good as we think. We are arrogant and strive to obtain power when we know we are weak and vulnerable. We boast to promote ourselves and obtain power over others. We boast when we lose balance in our lives and tip over to selfish desires. It has been said that, “Boasting is our private advertising business, our little campaign to publicize an image of ourselves…It always distorts reality.”

 

Love stabilizes us in such situations. Much like a boat has ballast to keep it level in the water, the love of God gives us balance in our lives. God’s love allows us to accept praise from others when it is given, but it does not condone tooting our own horn so we can praise ourselves.

 

Boasting results from arrogance but both originate from pride in oneself. All are manifestations of a sense of weakness that we feel must be overcome through promoting ourselves in an arrogant manner. Boasting desires to share glory with no one, not even God.

 

I heard someone comment once that they were offended by something said after a church service they had led. What had been said was that God had worked tenderly and mightily during the service. I couldn’t see what the problem was. They explained that they felt offended that since they had done all the work of leading the service, they should have received some of the credit for it. My thoughts were who gave them the skills and talents to be able to serve? Who gave them salvation to be motivated to serve in such a ministry? Who allowed them to be used to glorify God and minister to others? God shares His glory with us many, many times, but He does not allow us to take it from Him. When we boast, we leave God out of the picture and grab the glory and recognition for ourselves.

 

We are warned in scripture against boasting in ourselves.

 

Proverbs 27:1

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.”

 

James 3:14-16

“But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”

 

Jude 15-16

“These men are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage.”

 

Any boasting we do should be of God and what He has done for us through Christ.

1 Corinthians 1:31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

 

Galatians 6:14

“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.”

 

Humility should be our mindset rather than boasting about ourselves. As God abides in us His agape love is perfected in us.

 

Philippians 2:3

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

 

Romans 12:10

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

 

The love that originates from our Heavenly Father that we are called to exhibit does not envy what others possess whether it is skills, talents, possessions or status. Those of us who express such love rejoice in the recognition or position of others and are satisfied with what God has blessed them with. We are to be humble and think of others as more important than ourselves. Such agape love is not jealous of people, unless it is a righteous jealousy that is based on God’s truth being violated or a situation where a God-honored relationship, such as marriage, is threatened with sin.

 

This “agape” love is the essence of who God is and is manifested as a core element of the Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Spirit. It is the love we are to express to others. We are never to boast about abilities, our possessions or ourselves. If we are ever to boast, we boast only in our God and what He has done for us in the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ. May the Holy Spirit warn us when we are tempted to envy others, be ungodly jealous or boast about ourselves.