AGAPE LOVE

A Seven Part Homily Series

Part One: Love is Patient and Kind

By Michael K. Farrar, O.D.

© God’s Breath Publications

 

We often feel that love is best defined as emotional passion towards someone or something. Godly love is much more than that. Godly love comes from our relationship with our Heavenly Father and manifests itself in our relationships. When we love God we are able to commit ourselves unselfishly to loving others.

 

 I Corinthians 13:4-8

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

 

This passage does not actually define love but displays love. It’s as if we were in an art gallery that represented the character of God and one single painting hangs before us. There on the canvas painted with numerous colors with the Spirit’s strokes are all of these descriptive words that give us a portrayal of what God is like in His innermost being. God is love (1 John 4:8). This is the pattern, the model by which we as Christians are to live our lives by in all of our relationships. Let’s explore some of these brushstrokes in this painting of God’s love.

 

Before we can begin we must discern the difference between the love that is so commonly spoken of today in our world and the Godly love that comes from the Holy Spirit.

 

There are three Greek words for love, “phileo,” “eros” and “agape.” Phileo speaks of the affection we might have of a close friend. We all have friends and exhibit this type of love towards them. Eros is what is often portrayed in the world as the desirable love we should seek, but it is never mentioned in the New Testament. Eros love is the passion and emotional affection we demonstrate towards those we care most about. Agape love is divine love. It is deeper and more mature love than eros love. It is a love of the will. It is love that chooses its object and commits to serve unselfishly without expecting anything in return. This is the love that is at the core of God’s character. Agape love can be demonstrated in any form of relationship and its power rests in the Holy Spirit that resides in the person who loves in this manner.

Love is Patient or Long-suffering

The first brushstroke we see in the painting of love we are examining is patience or what we might call “long-suffering.” Patience is also mentioned in Galatians 5:22 as one of the fruits of the Spirit manifested when we submit to His will and direction.

 

We live in a world that is impatient; everyone wants everything yesterday so patience is a much-needed virtue to possess. We also live in a world that is full of suffering so to be patient and long-suffering is a desirable quality. When we are patient and long-suffering in the Godly sense, we are making a decision to live indefinitely with what makes us feel uncomfortable or in some cases what we hate. We may either want something and can’t have it, or we don’t want to experience something that is unpleasant but choose to live with it for the moment.

 

Lewis B. Smedes in his book “Love Within Limits” states, “Long-suffering is not passive. It is a tough, active aggressive style of life. It takes power of soul to be long-suffering…The power to do this is agapic love. Agape is the love modeled by God in his relations with sinners…Agape is born of divine strength; therefore it has the power to be creatively weak…Because it is not driven by ardent need it has power to wait. It gives power to accept life, to find goodness in living while we are victims of situations we despise. Erotic love, on the other hand has no power for long-suffering. Eros is desire…Eros is always a passion to overcome suffering…Born from suffering eros is destined for suffering…That erotic love does not have power to suffer long is its built-in tragedy…Eros cannot wait…Natural love, then, is the opposite of long-suffering…it can give no power to suffer long when its need is unsatisfied.”

 

So while we may think patience or long-suffering is weak and powerless in situations that are frustrating, depressing or downright wrong and evil; this agape love that is divine and modeled after God Himself is powerful because its source is from God.

 

The love that is demonstrated in our patience and long-suffering is the ability to suffer wrongs done to us for a long time but it does not encourage us to accept such treatment as right. Agape love, demonstrated in patience, seeks justice and truth. Patience waits for God to work in the situation so that truth can be manifested in the lives of all concerned.

 

The marriage relationship often needs great patience and long-suffering. Lewis B. Smedes comments on this, he states, “Love suffers some things longer than others. Marriage is a special case because marital long-suffering is done within a covenant. Covenants are broken because people live by eros alone and turn their backs on the power of agape…Agape is the power to suffer the pains of frustrated and rejected and betrayed erotic love – and it is the power to suffer them long…Agapic love is by definition a power that moves us toward another person with no demand for reward. This may be a rule of thumb: when I turn off long-suffering for the sake of my pleasure, I turn it off too soon. Agape creates a place where eros can be resurrected. It allows time for the revival of mutual love…Agape discourages us from hasty divorce. With agape we suffer long, but we suffer with hope.”

 

Our role model for patience and long-suffering is our Heavenly Father. We see His patient love for His Chosen People down through history. They rebelled and rejected Him. They complained and sinned against Him, yet He continued to love them. He committed early on to the fact that they were His Chosen People through whom the redemption of the world would be manifested. He loves them patiently and with much long-suffering. Agape love that was demonstrated by Jesus Christ on earth and can be manifested in us always patiently waits for reconciliation and redemption of the situation or relationship even while it endures pain and suffering. This love that is patient is not a coward. It fights in a passive way for justice and truth to prevail. Long-suffering seeks healing and mending of relationships and situations. Love suffers long so that sin and offense can be done away with and forgiven. Love suffers until suffering can finally cease.

 

Two verses come to mind that demonstrate this patient love that suffers long. The first verse is Romans 12:12 which states, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” While we love in this patient and long-suffering manner we continue to have hope that God will work. In our affliction we are faithful in prayer petitioning God to intervene, work His will, bring Him glory and heal the conflict or remove the evil.

 

A second verse is Ephesians 4:2 that says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” As Christians we are called to love with divine agape love, whether it is family or friends, spouses or neighbors. We are to be humble and gentle while we are patient and long-suffering with one another.

Love is Kind

Another brush stroke we notice in this painting of God’s character is kindness. Kindness expressed to others is the desire and will to heal a situation or relationship. Kindness is love put into action on the lives of people we know. Such kindness may be soft but it is not weak. It may be tender but it is not feeble. It may be sensitive but it is not fragile.

 

Mr. Smedes comments on such kindness when he says, “Our world cannot understand that love is power and that kindness is the work of that power…Kindness is enormous strength. Kindness is the power that moves us to support and heal someone who offers nothing in return…Servant power is personal power used to increase the power of a weaker person. What sort of power am I referring to? The power to decide, to will consistently, to stick with promises, to demonstrate affection in the midst of tension…Servant power is kindness power. To the degree that we have it we are free from anxiety about our own weakness, free to be gentle, tender, openly caring.”

 

Ephesians 4:32 challenges us to express kindness to others. It states, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” The power in expressing kindness comes from the Lord. He is our model and He is the source of being able to be kind to others.

 

Luke 6:35-36 also challenges us as well when it says, “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back… Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

 

Such agape love that stimulates kindness towards even our enemies may appear weak and vulnerable but Mr. Smedes addresses this when he states, “Kindness is not weakness, but a very definite kind of power…Kindness comes directly from the power of love…The ultimate model of powerful kindness is God. He has the power to be indiscriminate in kindness…Kindness is love’s readiness to enhance the life of another person. But it is more: it is the power to move close to another person in order to heal…It takes power to be kind because kindness is risky.”

 

When we strive to be kind to others we always take a risk. We can risk being misunderstood or that our actions may be misinterpreted. We also take a risk that we may be taken advantage of, but if we let God and wise counselors guide us this risk can be minimized. When we risk we risk being wronged. John MacArthur comments on this when he talks about the love involved in being kind to others. “It is the ability to be wronged and wronged again and have the power to retaliate but never even think of it.” This is the love that God calls us to, agape love. Another fear we may have is that we may express our acts of kindness in an imperfect manner and so we may appear awkward or foolish. We must trust that God will work in the situation to ease our fears when we risk showing kindness. Expressing kindness can be risky but the rewards of healing are tremendous and the glory God receives is huge. This is the greatest strength and power of kindness.

 

So as we view this painting of God’s character we are overwhelmed with the patience, long-suffering and kindness that makes up His character. These expressions of His agape love for all mankind are what we are called to express to others as His children. We are to be patient; long-suffering and kind to not only those we have close relationships with but to strangers and even our enemies. May God impress upon you the necessity of expressing such love in situations that seem awkward, hopeless, painful and overwhelming. We cannot express this character of God in our flesh, but only by living in the power of the Holy Spirit, using God’s Word as our guide and trusting that God will give us the strength and courage to take risks in His will.

 

1 Corinthians 13:13

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”